He Plans to Place a Wind Turbine There to Air Condition his Wine Cellar and Save the Planet
April 25, 2024
According to published reports, Governor Ned Lamont – a champion of the environment – allegedly chopped down almost 200 trees on property he did not own so that he could have a better view of a pond. He did not bother to obtain the requisite permits to do so.
But this is just another incidence of our useless media bashing a dedicated public servant who has the best of intentions. One irresponsible journalist even called the incident Treegate!
I have personally heard from one of my inside sources in the Governor’s office that the Governor cleared these trees so that he could place a wind turbine on this newly-cleared land to reduce his carbon footprint caused by the increased energy costs to maintain the proper conditions in his wine cellar.
This source, who insisted on anonymity, told me “The Governor has just purchased some very finicky first growth Bordeauxes that must be kept at 56 degrees Fahrenheit and at a relative humidity of 60%.”
But news of the Governor’s bold action has spread to local environmental groups. According to Tiffany Ven der Meer, president of the Connecticut Audubon Society: “The habitats of a few Chestnut Sided Warblers and Piliated Woodpeckers are a small price to pay for the Governor’s bold action on Climate Change. Other politicians talk the talk, but our beloved Governor walks the walk.”
Kingman Winthrop, President of the Connecticut Coalition for Environmental Justice, added:
“Few politicians have the political courage to put a wind turbine in their backyard. But because of Governor Lamont’s courageous example, we now have the crucial momentum to pass our 2024 environmental agenda. The average person will now support mandating that all Connecticut citizens be required to buy electric cars by 2030 even if they are occasionally stranded during snowstorms. The average person will now gladly freeze in his or her home if they can’t afford their heating bills so that we can use more costly renewable energy and save the planet.”
There were a few detractors. Republican Fairfield County congressional candidate Michael Goldstein mused: “How are a few wind turbines and solar panels in Connecticut, the third smallest state in the country, going to save the planet? This makes absolutely no sense.”
But what Goldstein fails to realize is that world leaders are being inspired by Lamont’s bold action.
President Xi of China stated: “I just spoke to Governor Lamont. Thanks to his inspiration, we are going to end our policy of building carbon-spewing coal plants every week even if it means our people have to live in poverty for a few more centuries. They have been living like that for millennia anyway. Who cares? We must save the planet.”
Prime Minister Modi of India was even more blunt: “Because of Connecticut Governor Lamont’s courageous action, I am ending the construction of all coal plants even though I am aware our poor will no longer become middle class. After all, many Indians are used to subsistence farming, starvation and dying children. They won’t notice the difference. Saving the planet is much more important.”
Hopefully our beloved Governor will have the sense to place the wind turbine as far away from his house as possible and off to the side. This will prevent the chopped body parts of endangered species such as Bald Eagles and Piping Plovers from spewing into his back yard. Even though the phalanxes of his lawyers will prevent significant legal action for their deaths, this could generate bad publicity.
Our media should give our beloved Governor a break. Let him sit back and enjoy the new pristine view of the lake. Let him enjoy a glass of Chateau Lafite Rothschild. He earned it. Or at least his great grandfather, the right-hand man of financer J.P. Morgan did.
But the Governor should remember to decant this finicky Bordeaux for at least 45 minutes and stay away from the 2008 Vintage. That was a bad year.
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